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You Know You're A Montrealer When?



you pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".

you have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep."

your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

you understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,' 'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

you agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.

the most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on
a red.

you know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.

in moments of paranoia, you think that there's no red line on the Metro
because red is a federalist colour.

you have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from
St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.

you refer to Tremblant as "up North."

you know how to pronounce Pie IX.

you have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."

you believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul -
but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your
classmates live there now.

you greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met
once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.

you know at least one person who works for the CBC, and at least one
other person who used to work for Nortel.

you know what a four-and-a-half is.

you're not impressed with hardwood floors.

you've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

you can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true
for at least 25 years.

you cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

you get Bowser & Blue.

you were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and
PFK is finger lickin' good.

you really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

for two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.

you need to be reminded by prominent signage that
you should wait for the green light.

everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think
they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

you're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai
Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...

and, you consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy
Lafleur, Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.

you know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

you know the apocryphal story of the fat lady at Eaton's.

you miss apostrophes.

you've seen Brother Andre's heart.

no matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux tourtes."

you know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

you measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.

you show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or Gowan).

you know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to
North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh.

you don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

you have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never
been in grade 12.

the margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.

you never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose
cousin or something dated him.

there has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in less than 24
hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

you remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

you used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

you know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on
centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned
whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).

you don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.

you've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee
Scottish hats.

you discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

You encounter bilingual homeless people.

While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna"
is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that the
"The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on
how good your English is.

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA
system, no matter what the language.

You think of Old Montreal as nothing but a bunch of over-priced
restaurants, old buildings and badly paved streets.

You understand that La Fete Nationale is not a celebration of "Quebec's birthday".

You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny.

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.

you like your pizza all-dressed

How about Montrealers' resistance to winter boots? No matter how much snow there is, you'll still find people walking around in running shoes.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is.

esti calisse de tabarnaque!
Never mind swearing in french; swearing in quebecer is like wiping your ass with silk! ;) (more like sand paper... but ok!)

You can order a cheeseburger in three different languages... and never ask "hey, where's the ketchup?"

You have no patience for nonsense about NY bagels being world-famous except that Montreal bagels are better and more world-famous.

Toronto vs. Montreal

"Montreal makes more beauty out of its concrete"

"You know the words to the national anthem in French because they teach it in school, but you don't find yourself singing it very often unless you're a sports fan. You might know some of the words in English too. "

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You use a down comforter in the summer.

Your parents drive at 120km/h through 13 feet of snow during a blizzard, without flinching.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction. (Erica D)

You know what "the main" is.

That the "CH" on a habs jesrey stands for "Center H-ice"!

You can jay walk back and forth across Ste. Catherine street without getting hit by a single car.

You know what a "dillalo burger" is.

You know difference between smoked meat and Schwartz's.

You care more about which habs player isn't playing well than the current world events.

You know that Ile St. Helen is composed almost entirely of the earth dug from the tunnels of our metro system.

You that there are only two seasons in montreal: Winter and Construction!

You know of the holy trinity "Booze, cigarettes and smoked meat"

The only words you know in french/english are curse words.

You know what a Depaneur is.

Quick note about Depaneurs.The term comes from the french Depaner:to get out of a jam, or troubleshoot (i.e. the french say "je suis en panne" when their car is out of oil or in a spot of trouble).

Montreal being a port city had many immigrants working the docks living in lower class neighbourhoods i.e. point st. charles (Irish), verdun (Irish-Italian), Lasalle (italian-french) etc. According to city by-law it was illegal for a bar to be in the burroughs for fear that these labourers would cause problems for one another while drunk (bar fights, etc.). Although, it was not illegal for them to buy alcohol at a store and take it home to drink. Local stores (Depaneurs) then stocked alcohol. That's why the signs of a depaneur mostly say "biere & vin". Also that's why when you go to some neighbourhoods there's an old french canadian man drinking on his front balcony in an under shirt or bare chested (it's because how he learned from his dad). It's why bistros have to serve food with drinks.

when 1/4 mil + people know a single homeless guy.

you are able to tell a person's religion in 10 seconds, and their nationality in 20.

you go into a grocery store in another province and don't understand why they don't have alcohol.

you think that McDonald's and Burger King are expensive.

you take books out of the "national library" for leisure reads.

You know it's summer when Spidermans on St Catherines dancing his heart out :)

montreal is the only place in the world where you can buy curdled cheese off a rotating rack on the counter right next to the cash and cigarettes at any dep...specifically couche-tard.

when someone asked for directions to get to the metro/train in downtown, we all say "If you see the super sex sign, you've gone too far."

you know youre a montrealer when you go on mount royal .. but its never for the view..;)

"you believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul -
but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your
classmates live there now."

You expect there to be a dollarama walking distance from anywhere....and if there isn't there should be.

You know "Al taib" and prefer to take the upstairs exit when appropriate

You know the spoon man in front of Ogilvy's

you know you're from montreal if you know what a poutine is

when you can't stand NY bagels, no matter how much your american friends rave about them

when everyone in the room's first language is english but you still watch the habs on RDS on saturday nights 'cause you can't stand the CBC announcers

when you think Georges-Vanier is just an optical illusion 'cause you've never seen anyone get on or off

when you're shocked that out of town students have never heard of Concordia

when your parents still refer to Dorchester and you know which street they're referring to

You know you're a Montrealer when you walk exclusively on the north side of Ste-Catherine, no matter how much more crowded it is than the south side. If you need to get to a store on the other side, you J-walk... after all, pedestrians have the right of way

you know ure a montrealer when u can have General Thao Chicken at 2 in the morning just cuz u feel like it and no one will stare at you weird

you have no clue why the lanes on the 20 switch sides next to the old train yards

when you, an anglophone customer, talk to an anglophone store clerk in french because u dont know if they speak english or french

You say Métro instead of subway.

You fear the overpasses (viaducs) like hell because they fall on you

TVA is not a tax

You only speak English, yet you suddenly realize you have no clue what a "depanneur" (corner store) is called in English

You only speak French, but you can swear faster in English.

The driver in front of you turns on his turn signal. You are convinced he must be trying to trick you somehow.

For every French restaurant, there are 10 Middle Eastern restaurants, 20 Chinese restaurants and 40 fast-food outlets.

A burger, fries and a drink is a trio, not a combo:)

you know you are a montrealer when you know about the 2 dollar chow mein on st laurent street

you know the first half of the national anthem in French and the second half in English

when you smell weed as often as cigarettes.

when you can walk down ste - catherine while smoking a joint

when a cop politely asks you to put out your joint.

when on St. Paddy's day people are smashed at 11am terrorising people on the metro.

when you run ino someone you know every two blocks downtown

When you go to another city and you cause traffic accidents because you jaywalk...

when for you "bainlieue" is Laval.

when you wait for St-Laurent's sidewalk sale

when you think NY food is overrated

when you go to Quebec city and people look at you like you were an alien

when you can almost roll your Rs (if you are French speaking)

when the first think they ask about your new boyfriend-girlfriend is: What country is she/he from?

you know you are a TRUE montréalais when you are innately biased against people from the 450, and you think that if Quebec ever gets independence from Canada, Montreal will declare independence from Quebec.


You get pissed when you see Hors-Service

you remember that Belmont Park was WAY better than Laronde.

you were desperate for a boyfriend, but you made sure you NEVER went to Spot Bowling alone

You still call it West Island Mall

You get annoyed because it takes more than 30 minutes to get from one end of the city to the other by car.... and that's in rush hour.

You knew for sure you could hook up with your friends at BK or Harvey's on Crescent at 3am on a Saturday night, and you didn't arrange it in advance.

When a guy in the raccoon hat playing the wooden spoons outside Ogilvy's is expected and when he's absent you notice

you've gone out to a restuarant for dinner and everyone at the table has their own bottle of wine, which they just bought from the SAQ...and no one's ever heard of a "corking fee"

when at the first sign of +9 celcius, your ass is outside on any terrasse having sangria

When you think of taking the new metro to laval just because it's free.

when even the pedestrians have road rage.

when you're not surprised to see 100s of cars honking with portuguese, italian, etc. flags, because you know they just won a football game.

when you go shopping downtown and feel like you're dressed like a slob next to all the beautifully hip women!

when u say "I`m just going to wear my ugly coat.. Because... well, fuck it! It's funkin' cold outside!"

when you see the light from Place Ville Marie do the mary-go-round!

When you can't remember ever taking the yellow line (or even just going to Longueuil)

When you vote Liberal cause you have no choice

When people wear shorts on the first day of spring even when it's still snowing outside.

When you're constantly defending Canada to Quebecers, and Quebec to the rest of your Canadian friends.

fuente: Facebook


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